Diary Entry #158

Today I read the short story
Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?
It is about a young girl, Connie, who is identified, stalked, confronted, and threatened by two men, Arnold and Ellie, after they see her with friends at a local diner. Considerable time is spent explaining Connie's dualistic world-view, her frustration with her family which is then juxtaposed against her youthful perspective, the disquiet she feels interacting with Arnold and Ellie, and her resignation to her fate in desire to protect her family which seems at odds with their mutually pessimistic relationship toward one another.

It concludes on a line wherein Connie acknowledges that she knows very little about the world outside her home - only that she is going out into it.

It made my heart heavy to read it, I think.
There's a lot of scholarly debate about whether or not the story should be interpreted literally or allegorically, but I imagine with all things, it's a little bit of both: too much time is spent familiarizing you with Connie's daily life and family for you to discount the world she exists in as only relevant to some fable, but by the same token, I feel like anyone who was ever cruelly pushed into adulthood has been Connie, pressing their hand through the screen-door to descend into something of great anxiety and threat.

Growing up is never easy. 

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I unexpectedly discovered there was considerable work left to do today for College. I crossed the finish-line on it, but unfortunately it took me well into the evening to do so. I'm safe and good for now, though. Filed for FASFA too, which should allow me to accept my merit grant at my gaining college, too.

I want to finish-out Amortized: Money for Girls and then read Harley Douthwaite's acclaimed Girls' Symbiosis which I hopped right over, like a loser, by virtue of moving when it came out.

I have a lot of leisure-things I'd like to do like that.
I have a lot of things I'd like to draw.

I had intended to do some of that on break, but today, my parents called and asked if I would spend the Holidays with them. I have agreed to do so, but have gently pushed-back when they told me I could stay for a very long time, and started measuring, with specificity, what timelines I would need to abide to be successful in school. I do love my parents, and I conceded to visit without hesitation, because I think that I would regret not spending time with them on my deathbed, but I would not regret losing twenty drawings of me peeing or exposing my ass. But I will say that generally speaking, time in their company is not especially restful, and I sometimes feel like some sort of circus attraction that everyone flocks to see.

I would like to rest, at some point.